So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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