Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
