new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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