so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
