you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
