you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
