You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
