Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
