i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
