This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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