The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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