i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
