god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
