I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
