i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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