So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
