Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
