It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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