It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
