Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
