Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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