two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
