Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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