His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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