If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
