If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
