just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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