That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
