Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
