Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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