so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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