I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pooping to opera.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
