My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
