Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
