I puked a lego.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
