he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
