Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
