I wish I could teleport
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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