One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
