I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
