If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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