piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Houston, we have a blender
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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