Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
