guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
