Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
