new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
