Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
