Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
