my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
