Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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