apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
