Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
