based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
